Gender stereotypes have always fascinated me, particularly how much they are currently challenged and how they still persist to play a part in our social norms and relationships. In the "social media generation" with relationships often beginning from dating apps like tinder, a simple Facebook friend request, or Instagram follow, I wanted to explore heterosexual relationships and how much men are still expected to pay for women's drinks on a first date.
Do women expect this to happen? Do they attempt to stop it from happening? Are they secretly more impressed if a man persists in paying for the drinks? On the other side, how much do men value the paying-of-the-drinks? What does it mean to them?
The notion of "emasculation" seems a good place to start. When a friend came home and told the tale of her date with this guy, who persisted in paying for all her drinks, even when she emphasized that she would like to pay, another friend chipped in saying, "well of course he did, he would feel emasculated if you paid for the drinks". As a feminist, this seems shocking to hear, because men and women in their early 20s are likely to have a similar amount of money, so why can a woman not pay for the drinks without fear of emasculating her date?
It seems that dating is still a role play of sorts in which men can partake in the tradition of the past. Perhaps it is in order to appear a certain way, such as being "gentlemanly" and successfully ticking the "I have money and can look after you" box. If this act is well received, because the woman is also partaking in the game set out by previous generations, it might mean that the woman likes them more. For the record, "gentlemanly" is as bad as emasculate.
The social norms are still concretely established as sexist, and it becomes apparent when a man acts in a (surprising) manner and insists that we split the bill. Bartenders have been noted to say things like "oh and I thought you were a gentleman!" or "how very modern of you". The woman on the date may be content with this payment situation but the surprise in the male's behaviour is inflicted upon her conscience by other members of the social situation. Is she then to think negatively of this man? Does this mean he likes her less than other women he has dated?
It's 2018 and "emasculation" must be on its way out. Men should be more open about splitting the bill. Let's be honest, she will like you for your personality, clothes and hair cut, not how many times you get your card out. Women should persist in paying for the things they consume on dates, and ignore any friends that tell them otherwise.
As for the bartenders, someone please tell them to mind their own business.
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